Longing and Pursuit

Our oldest son was about three or four years old when he first made the connection between a strange discomfort in his tummy and the fact that he hadn't eaten in a while. Recognizing and naming that discomfort as "hunger" was a surprisingly significant step toward autonomy, for it focused a primal linkage between cause and effect, behavior and consequence, desire and decision. From that point on, eating had a purpose beyond compliance with parental meal schedules; it was now understood that food was required by the self, not just by the rules. The first footer had been poured for the foundation of his personal "hierarchy of needs".

Granted, babies are born with an instinct to eat when they are hungry and sleep when they are tired, but both instincts are experienced in discomfort and expressed in anxious crying. By the time the awareness of unmet needs and unfulfilled desires enters the conscious mind, many patterns have already been established. The world has proven to be either trustworthy or not in its attentiveness to our cries, and we have learned various effective and ineffective techniques for getting what we want, and for dealing with disappointment when we don't.

Simplistic extrapolation suggests a continuous dynamic of discerning the nature of our desires, and experimenting with various means which may or may not satisfy them. A fundamental observation worth remembering is that we do not always know what we want. The humble admission that we fail to understand fully the needs of our own bodies -- let alone our hearts and minds -- is an oft-neglected prerequisite in the shared search for fulfillment.

But that is not to say that self-understanding must be sufficiently achieved before satisfaction can be found. Quite the contrary: those who insist on first figuring out exactly what they are looking for frequently doom themselves to a perpetual editing of specifications and requirements. They become too easily quagmired in contemplation and analysis, and are prone to underestimate potential and bypass opportunities, due to chronic hesitation and resistance to commitment.

It is rather the humility of limited self-understanding that opens a window to potential fulfillment, and to the wise pursuit thereof. For it is neither by deductive reasoning nor deterministic selection that we find the sources of satisfaction. Instead, it is through an inductive adventure of approximate solutions, an iterative model of rapid and imperfect prototyping, that we gradually narrow the gap between desired and achieved, between ideal and real, between sought and found, between asked and received.

Trouble is found when this noble pursuit is side-tracked by the seductive appeal of short-cuts. Advance to GO, and collect $200 -- that's the card we want to draw, and we hope to draw it now. Dispense with the journey and transport me to the destination. Satisfy and gratify me in six easy steps, or with one small pill. Every successful advertiser understands the power of unmet needs and unsatisfied desire. Intentional deception is standard practice when tapping in to this motivational core. Convince a man that you can satisfy his deepest desire, and he will offer you his very soul.

I am not immune from this deception. "There's got to be an easier way" is a phrase frequently repeated in my frustrated mind. Energized by effort, alert with adrenaline, quickened by caffeine, I find the urgent pursuit -- of answers for questions, solutions for problems, and resources for demands -- absolutely addictive. Worst of all, the addiction grows with each perceived success. When I start to believe that every question can be answered, that every problem can be solved, and that every demand can be met -- when I believe that success and satisfaction are simply the result of effort, energy, and resolve -- then I am most deeply deceived and most desperately off track.

From the depths of this recurring addiction, I have learned of only one therapy worth recommending. But first, I'll briefly mention two that are to be avoided. First, do not attempt to suppress desire. While restraint is a virtue, and the ability to redirect passion a priceless skill, the indiscriminate attempt to eradicate appetite is a deeply misguided mistake, and simply increases the likelihood of a violent and explosive backlash. Second, do not indulge desire. Eat when you're hungry and sleep when you're tired, but do not trust your every whim and longing to guide your every action. Passions must by purified, and impulses must be checked, else you will find yourself enslaved to a most fickle and unfaithful master.

One thing I have found helpful in this haunted pursuit; one focal point yields the necessary perspective. I recommend this one truth from my heart to yours, whenever the discomfort of dissatisfaction troubles your soul:

The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.
Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.

-- Brother Tom